effyosocialmedia replied to your post: I can’t seem to clear my head. It is stuffed full…
Ahh welcome to your quarter life crisis. You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be.
I think it’s easy to say I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m not certain that’s the case. I know very well that I could be doing much better. All I have to do is compare myself to my peers and compare where I am now to where I thought I’d be. I haven’t met any standards, benchmarks, whatever, that I was supposed to. And I know that since I’m aware of how I’m lacking I should just change, but I can’t seem to. I’m stuck repeating the same cycles of stupidity. I want to stop though. And at the end of every semester I like to tell myself that I’ll do better next time, but I never do. It’s just all of this failure on top of failure. I just finished my third year of college, and my GPA is dismal. I doubt I’ll ever be able to go to graduate school. How would I even explain such failure? “Oh, I have depression.” Blah, blah. No one wants to hear that. I know I don’t.
Thinking about it all now nauseates me. I’m just so sick of myself. I’m such a disappointment. I had such promise. The deacon at my high school told me he knew I’d make a great doctor. I will never be a doctor. I gave up on that my second semester of college. My parents always expected me to be either a doctor or a lawyer. I will be neither. I am absolutely worthless to them and an utter waste of money. I’m like an amazing rookie that get’s to the major leagues and can’t hit the fucking ball.
I wish I wasn’t me.